(A lone voice whispers)
There's a dwelling on a hill, somewhere in my head, where strange legends of the dead.
Still breathe over my memories in the cold and scream; they'll never die, no matter how much I cry.
That they'll crawl like green vines over all things I hold dear, until they too become things I fear.
But tonight, as I shed a silent tear, I always scream back inside as I pray.
“Take what you need to be fed. Take all you need.
For I have a secret place on another hill where you'll never find the real me.
A place where you, the dead, can never go to get fed.
A place where red roses are forever blooming as the sun stands so still."
It's where I go when those sad voices call, pleading for me to fall.
Each one throwing their perfume into the air like blue and pink confetti, begging me as they stand so tall.
But that other green hill always calls me away from their pleas.
For it's there I see the real me, praying while crucified on a white cross, paying the price for being me.
As bloodstained grass and trees sing, slowly swaying.
And always in that sweet moment, I am reminded of what the grass and trees all sing and understand what they are saying.
“To be the real you in a world owned by the Devil and those consumed by sin always takes self-sacrifice as you find your way home, to beyond the tomb.
To be welcomed in.”
(C)
Copyright John Duffy
A poem structured around two hills, both inside the speaker’s mind:
The first hill.
This is the dwelling “somewhere in my head” where the dead still breathe.
These “dead” aren’t literal corpses so much as:
Past trauma, guilt.
Old identities.
Regrets
Intrusive memories or voices
They behave like parasites:
“Crawl like green vines over all things I hold dear.”
They feed on fear, grief, and attention.
They never fully die, no matter how much the speaker cries.
This hill represents the haunted mind—memory that refuses to stay buried.
The second hill.
The “secret place on another hill” is a refuge of the true self:
Untouched by the dead, inaccessible to those inner voices.
Timeless (“the sun stands so still”)
alive with beauty and renewal(red roses forever blooming).
This is the speaker’s inner sanctuary, a place of identity, faith, and survival.
The “dead” are seductive, not just frightening.
Notice how the voices don’t only threaten—they tempt: throwing “perfume into the air,” dressed in color (“blue and pink confetti”), standing tall, begging the speaker to fall.
This suggests:
Self-destructive thoughts that feel familiar or comforting, nostalgia for pain.
The lure of giving up, surrendering, or dissolving into old patterns.
They want the speaker to feed them—attention, belief, and surrender.
The speaker responds with a boundary:
“Take what you need… but you’ll never find the real me.”
This is an act of psychological and spiritual self-protection.
The crucifixion image = identity as sacrifice.
The most striking moment is here:
“For it’s there I see the real me, praying while crucified on a white cross, paying the price for being me.”
This isn’t saying the speaker is Christ—it's symbolic.
It means:
Being authentic in this world is painful. Staying true to oneself requires endurance.
The “real me” is something that must be suffered for, not celebrated.
The cross is white (purity, truth), not a bloody spectacle—the suffering is quiet, internal, and moral.
Nature understands what humans don’t.
The grass and trees sing, sway
understand the truth instinctively.
Nature becomes a witness that confirms the speaker’s realization: suffering for truth is part of belonging.
Sacrifice is the cost of spiritual homecoming.
This contrasts with the “world owned by the Devil”—a “world of corruption, false values, and sin.
The core message (plainly stated):
At its heart, the poem says:
The past will constantly try to reclaim you.
Inner demons can be beautiful, familiar, and persuasive.
Survival depends on guarding the true self.
Authenticity in a broken world demands sacrifice.
Redemption and belonging lie beyond fear, beyond death, beyond the voices.
Or, in one sentence:
To remain true to yourself in a corrupted world is a form of crucifixion—but it is also the only path home.
Emotionally, this poem is defiant but tender, wounded but disciplined, deeply spiritual without being dogmatic.
It’s not about escaping pain—it's about refusing to let pain define identity.