(A lone voice whispers)
Like grey smoke slowly rising in London's old Southgate
Each morning as I slowly open my tired red eyes in here
Filled with dark thoughts and whispers of the past
I still think of places in Enfield
I used to visit
Or people who’ve died who I’ve lost in an unholy war
Good friends who have now entered Gods gates
Now I'm forever 27
I always wake up with a body and soul inside that’s slowly crying
With tears that don’t dry on their own
Here in my own dark painful version of Heaven
Will you still love me
My old friends and lovers
Tomorrow
Even though you all once knew deep down inside
I’m was so addictive but really no good
Hey little rich girl
I once heard you say
But what is it about men who just like to play
When you still wake up all alone
Rich but still so poor in Camden
Wearing your deep depression like a familiar loved cherished
Old coat of darkened dreams
In tandem
Which still sing but silently screams
I now know there is no greater love
Than the Almighty
For to know him is to love him even more
My day will come though
Like me and Mrs Jones
Love is maybe a losing game
Where you pull in fuck me black heels and white pumps
Where your soul is love-drunk on cheap vodka
From long lines of so tempting cocaine
I now watch in silence at all those subtle moments
As my life on this big screen in here
Flows
Forever tumbling like forgotten red and golden Autumn leaves
As I stand close to the front of this barrier in The Great In-Between
You may be all wondering if as a historic ghost
I still visit London or my beloved Enfield
My answer is always
Yes
For my reflection in gilded silver mirrors
I still see in passing posters or shop windows
As whispers of doubts slowly still
Swim on the molten surfaces of my mind
Seeking out all my hidden kingdoms
As me, they always stalk and follow
Looking for lost shores to walk and run upon and remain there
Haunting me forever
In some of my vintage old clothes
Especially through this half time
When the black cockerel crows
And the Great Golden Horn blows
Some say I was always doomed
Just another ill-fated singer simply eating and drinking
New and old pharmaceutical and alcoholic treasures
Walking the long mirage filled ancient winding roads
Towards a certain death or salvation
But still a winding road to the very end
Filled and overflowing with such strands of darkness
That I thought foolishly were just there for my own intense pleasure
But through the blurred white lines
And the distorted visions
I speak this
My life’s story is simply a sad song for just you
For I truly believe my soul will soar again
In time
My inner faith will create a silver bridge
To leave this dark pathway to self-destruction
And instead, lead to my own spiritual resurrection
For I believe Jesus died on the cross for me
And all I can do to repay his sacred belief
His sacrifice
Is to conquer all my hidden demons
And share my inner dreams in these words I used to bury
So deeply hidden within me
Before I am called back
By he who always calls
To fade forever into the Black
Before I go
Can I ask a question of you
Swear on your body and soul in the middle of this dark night
Standing between all those you still love but also those
Who you know still might cheat
Does my memory still stand beside you and we'll always be best friends
Right
For fame and love is such a losing game and I need you
To always remember my name
I was simply thrown under the Freedom Train as I couldn’t hold on any longer
Due to my everlasting mental pain
Remember me
My name is Amy
Copyright John Duffy
All my pieces are just monologues from voices whispering in the dark of The Great In-Between.
Salute.
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