(A lone voice whispers)
I was once an adoring stranger
To living in the Fast Lane
When I was addicted to every form of known enslaving danger
Unknowingly using it
Like a stupid reason
To take cheap cocaine
But as I look back on my old life and all its seasons
Reliving some of those crazy days of shame
I now know
When I got down on my tired, broken knees
Before that very homemade white cross
In my Grandma's back garden
Nailed together with rusty 6-inch nails
And pieces of old pallet wood
God listened as I prayed to him
In the falling cold winter's rain
Whenever I could
As I begged for his help
To begin the fight with the Devil
For my freedom
And to conquer his curse and invisible mark
That I foolishly wore proudly for twenty years
Like the Mark of Cain
While living in his dark kingdom
Called Sindom
Looking back
Now I'm clean
I can clearly see
I've sacrificed so much of my precious time
Crucified my family
Hurt my friends, and sadly
My only one chance of finding true happiness
I've ever seen
For my one and only lover
And even though I’m now free of her
My Colombian Marching Queen
I still wear loneliness
And her invisible chains
Like just another of the cursed
From the Brotherhood of the Profane
But that's how the Tall Man designed us all
So my therapist
At the rehab clinic
Shirley
Told me
She said we're all
Broken fractured
And to be endlessly consumed
With memories of bloodstained
Mental campaigns
Baptized
To ride the inhumane storms of life
And to nearly drown
In its many soul-destroying
Hurricanes
But one day
God willing
You'll all rise up
One day
You'll all see the light
She used to say
So today's
The day for me
As I begin the fight
No longer a stranger
To that pain and plight
For I'm clean and full of only hope
And as I age
I just use it as a version
Of my old cheap cocaine
Walking bravely alone
But now able to cope
In this new warm falling rain
Knowing the Devil
Now really knows
My soul's secret name
And that’s why he leaves me alone
For he remembers our spiritual battles and crazy fights
At midnight
In my Grandma's back garden
As I tried to atone
Kneeling underneath
My homemade white cross
When I once played
One of his most dangerous
Of games
I’m just so glad God won
For it’s him
I now travel to see
Everyday
As I courageously ride through this new life
With a smile
Seated with similar strangers
On one of his many trains
Only now
High on my old memories
Of a pain
I was once addicted too
Like a blast from the past
My old best friend
Mother Cocaine
But like Johnny Cash
This good old reborn Christian boy's
Coming home
Wearing a rainbow
Like the Man in Black
I just hope my Sue Ellen
Is still waiting for me
High up in
The Great In-Between
For years ago
She was so tragically
Taken from me
And when I eventually arrive
Walking like Wyatt Earp
into that Silver City
My palliative nurse Sara Lou
Says it won't be too long
I can only pray she lets me explain
That my deep love for her
Still survives as it did in eighty-five
And I'm so sorry for not embracing
Our once special and magical love song
Even though it was written
In the middle of one of my life's
Terrible storms
When I had no sense of right or wrong
And I just miss holding her
My old life's only true love charm
In these sweet old arms
Remember me.
Luca "Charlie" Snow.
December 25th.
2012.
Your forever master of arms
(C)
Copyright John Duffy
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