It's 5.15 am, on the 6th of December, 2020.
Listening to some glorious, evocative French music.
Press plays as he speaks to you.
If your technology allows you to read as it plays.
Salute.
This whispered into life as I visualised a new scene.
A dark stage swimming in total darkness.
A bright white spotlight suddenly appears, and a man, wearing a white shirt.
Tired looking and unshaven.
Steps into view.
His eyes are wet with tears and filled with anguish.
Will you listen as his voice speaks?
Am I attracted to the darkness as you eloquently so
Quickly state
Do I need God’s salvation
To truly find ways to try to set me free
Well
Shall I begin before you tar and feather me
With hate
Amongst such carefully crafted tales of embracing the soft contaminating hands
Of your perceived ideas
Relating to primordial sin
Just because I like to explore all themes
Known to mankind
As I peel back their many sometimes invisible layers
The Darkness
Love and the glorious Lights
And everything just
Hanging in-between
That I sometimes see
An old biosphere saturated with every known plight
I willingly visit to explore
At the stroke of midnight
Each and every night
The Metaphysical
Wild stories of the Spiritual
Entwined with the raw emotions of humanity at their very core
The rights and wrongs
Ups and downs
Does that make me more at risk spiritually
Of being attacked by low spirits and corrupted
As all my emotional energies
In doing so
Gets occasionally
Deeply interrupted
Perhaps more likely than most
But doesn't it also identify and qualify me
Amongst God’s always-watching Angels
As being someone worth saving
As I'm more willing to delve into all those unspoken realms
To create and share new posts
Whilst enduring a bout of the 90s
Whilst cohesively word raving
I know I push the metaphorical white envelope
Spiritually wise
More than most
But I'm afraid I cannot be that mundane man
You wish to own
For to do so
To my own higher self
Would be telling
Such a deep and eternally soul-destroying lie
One from which I could never ever bare to carry
Deep inside
For it would condemn me and this brave white and black fearless horse
I ride
Gattuso
So if you still want a man
Who blindly follows your religious vows and unbending rules
And perceived ideas
Relating to your illuminating visions of heaven and hell
You'll just have to seduce another
And put them under your mysterious seductive spells
Don’t we all have an inherent right to explore all we see
Like when we were once young
Just like a curious innocent child
I am not attracted to the darkness
Or the ancient words or phrases
That drive secretive occult tribes irrevocable wild
I just use them as a theme
When creating more evocative mazes
For curious minds to wonder and stumble through
As they add a more mysterious feel
When they choose to transmigrate
Right out of the blue
In my opinion
To a mind unaccustomed to hearing or reading
Such strange themes
Or visually simulating memes
Is that wrong of me
As I peel back the Realms of Humanities
Many layers
Or shall I simply write more safe stuff
Blessed by your ideals of the Holy Ghost
Some say the Devil appears unexpectedly like a silent player
When you call him the most
But doesn't also God
I call to the Almighty more than you'll ever know
You are more religious than me
My dearest Amélie
Due to your deep biblical knowledge and church affiliations
I am only a poor soul whose mother was once a priestess
Of a new age of such uniqueness
We are such a world brimming with profound fluctuating contradictions
A wild juxtaposition of raw values at the very core
Like the magical stories of paganism versus the righteous beliefs
Held rigidly by the indomitable Vatican
God speaks to us in so many different ways.
Maybe it’s in my fast-flowing bloodstreams
Is that why I was saved so many times in my early life
Because I was foretold to write about The Eternal Dream
To finally find myself standing beside you
One dark and mysterious night
Who knows
When we first started exchanging love letters
So long ago
Did I break something so sacrosanct between us
By making our exchanges more visceral in nature
Which my inner voice always said was so wrong
And
Fate would turn our beloved relationship to eventual dust
The vigorous sides of our exchanges broke that innocence
We once found between ourselves
In the early morning
Serenaded and heralded by a beautiful silence
And was that the devious corruption
I unconsciously invited into my life
As I now reflect
By reading and writing about so many deep and dark controversial
Hidden subjects
A long while ago
As our corresponding conversations got slowly deeper and deeper
I was warned this would happen
By Guardian Angels
Sent to watch over and teach us
That you would need something so much more
Which I couldn’t give you
Even when you demanded it
To earn your trust
I was only
Trying in the beginning
To be a friend
To someone who through words
I could see was so lonely
Should I be ashamed of anything
Now this house of beautiful cards
We once built
Falls and descends and we can no longer
Enter that White Room of no End
We created to hide within
So now as we part ways
When you eventually hear this
Since we are no longer
Friends
Will I miss tasting the soft tones of your name
And all those dulcet sounds
Which once helped to transcend
Those painful strands of emotions
Which still linger and dutifully
remains
Only I will know the true answers
And will never reveal them
As they may show the outskirts and deep centre of my inner realm
My red statues of my true vulnerabilities and everlasting pain
Well as I speak
As this beautiful French singer
Devours my very emotions with such earth-shattering poise
This is my final goodbye
My only muse
My old broken world
A new realm beckons
And I will carry you gloriously into it
Like a mystical red rose
To illuminate
The encroaching darkness
Wherever my new boat sails
Over the dark oceans of life
That continuously
Flows
Even though my soul train now travels so fast on blacken rails
That now glows
For all its once strong brakes have blown
I'll hold on to those pocketful of memoirs
Once written and composed
Wherever I go
To help transcend so many dark nights
And when those beautiful memories of you
Suddenly re-appear
at random
I will always feel blessed
To have once had you as mine
A soft hand to hold
Which once helped
To lead me out of the darkness of loneliness
With love as your white burning candle
Un jour, les brumes se sépareront
Et nous ne ferons plus de mal
One day the mists will part and we will no longer hurt
*End of monologue
With a long look at an invisible audience with painful eyes overflowing with tears
He retreats slowly back into the darkness
The spotlight then fades into the blackness
A monologue for a new piece.
I hope you enjoyed the emotional journey.
Salute.
(C)
Copyright John Duffy
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