Channelling Natalie Wood

 

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This Natalie Wood story is based upon her reflecting on her life, her tragic love life, the painful trauma left upon her soul, and ultimately her death.
 
She survives on the thought justice will prevail and karma will be fully paid.
A working monologue for project on hold connected to the Great In-Between.

Did I channel Natalie Wood at 3 am?

_____________________________________________________________________
 
Well here I am again
 
Back from November
Eighty–one
 
Is it raining outside
It quite feels like it is
 
Over the years
I’ve watched and waited
 
But lately I feel so weak
And I just can’t keep quiet and sedated
 
Maybe it’s time to speak
Using this unique channelling technique
When I first started acting at such a young age
I didn't know who the hell I was
 
When I was younger
I tried to be whoever
 
They wanted me to be
 
My mother
Maria
 
Bless her soul
Used to tell me
 
No matter what they ask you
Wherever you end up or
Go
 
Always say yes
You can learn later
 
I wish I had just sometimes
Stood up for myself and
Said no
 
I've always been terrified of deep water
And yet it seems
 
I was forced to go into water
In every movie
That I ever appeared
In
 
From 1943
 
It’s rather cruel and tragic
That I was to die
According to the police
 
By drowning at sea
 
I was so once overprotected
 
By my agents
Mother and who I thought
Were close friends
 
I used to think I was as so delicate as people said
And it’s still rather strange how I still feel
 
For there are times
In here
 
When I look above
At that big screen
Which always rolls
 
I see me as a young stranger
 
Lost like a Christmas miracle
Walking on 34th Street
 
And there are sad times
When I look below at that other big screen
 
For there are two you know
 
Here in this dark cinema
In the Great In-Between
 
One that shows you the light side of your life
And the other
 
The darkness
 
It’s your choice which one you watch
Some say it’s a form of divine catharsis
 
 Which will help you rise above
All that pain
 
Hidden in those iconic
Moments of self-analysis
 
Well whenever I look below
 
I always see the one I thought would love
Me forever
 
I guess
Almost every girl falls in love with the wrong man
I suppose it’s part of growing up
And yes
 
I can still feel you
You know your name
 
Like a young Jim Stark
 
Always rebelling without a cause
In everything I still do
 
Those small moments
Running wild within these visits
 
Into my life’s many old business
 
Moments where I was lost and
Trying to find a west side story
 
To live in forever with someone
Like Tony
 
Hiding somewhere
From all the splendours
In all those tall green grasses
 
On the big Hollywood Hills
 
I still see painful flashbacks
 
To where powerful strangers
In VIP hotel rooms
 
Sometimes
Seek sex with single girls
 
Seeking fame
And them
They willingly consume
 
Where you could fall deeply in love
With someone
 
And be totally lost in
Those tranquil bouts of emotional insurrections
 
At first a silent revolution and
Then a forced rebellion when they leave
 
But above
 
On the surface
Which we show the world
 
From here to eternity
 
I've learned
We hide ourselves to the watchers
 
Lying to ourselves while
Parading such a false love
 
I loved you once
Robert
 
But below that surface
Where the darkness multiplies
And grows
 
Like those painful moments
I endured in Chateau Marmont
 
Where feelings of doubts
Deep inner fears and invisible tears
 
Always return for they cannot ever be washed
But always haunt
 
I always prayed they
Wouldn’t stay
 
But they always go on and on
 
All questions heralding from the
Moment I met the smiling
Snarling
 
Paris Pitman Jr.
The Spartacus people loved
 
The popular
Mister Who Knows
Dressed in his white coat
And with his foolish
 
Devilish stare
 
The king of all those action
Picture shows
 
I can still see him smiling everywhere
 
I may seem calm and collected
But beneath the surface
 
I once feared to be rejected
By RJ and the watching world
 
But for now
 I still smile and play
 
With Elvis
Empowered with the hope
 
That those painful memories will fade
And these mysterious four winds will
Blow all old those fears away
 
It's how I now cope
 
I no longer visit my deep depths
Where I was once drowned
 
By shall I just say
Two accomplices
 
Off the coast of Santa Catalina
 
In those dark blue waters
A place where light
Lies in the distance
 
For now though
I’ll stay kneeling in front of these
Four candles
 
Steadfast in the hope
Justice will prevail
 
To bring truth and an end to this
Scandal
 
Have you two been afraid
As you age
 
Of changing your statements
And all its misleading intent
 
To extinguish your dark secrets
For it binds you to feelings of
Guilt
 
Which I know must feel so tragic
 
Have you two built your lives around
Just serving you
 
Listened
Hypnotized to believe your lies
 
 
Now the public no longer
Cries
 
Have some of your memories
Been happy
And some may have been magic
 
But in a moment of heart to heart
Do time and guilt
 
Make your hearts grow colder
Even as all my own children get older
 
The Great In-Between
Is waiting to judge you
Both
 
But you have a good life
While we all still wait
 
Seek love
Something denied to me
Like an untamed gipsy
 
Embrace its golden rays
As we now judge
 
Major Garrett
 
Now he’s entered a town without pity
Somewhere in here
 
High up in the Holy City
 
Remember
 
Tomorrow Is forever
And these old movies never stop
They just go on
 
Catching all the Jekyll and Mr Hydes
On the bottom screen
 
As we
All the victims of some sort of mortal crime
Or violence
 
Standstill
Hidden but always watching
Waiting patiently in silence
 
Alongside our faithful spirit guides
Amongst the long shadows
 
Waiting to hand out justice
To the corrupted
 
When their time comes
And their lives are too
 
Interrupted
 
Confess now
 
Before you two
Stand before us
 
It’s your only way to find a path
To your own salvation
 
Before your eventual sentence
If you don’t show repentance
 
Remember we wait
 
I never knew motherhood could be so truly gratifying until I had children
 
Moments I still miss
 
Because I was sent alone
To a place where their soft cheeks
 
I could no longer touch or kiss
 

I miss you so much Lana
And my daughters
Natasha and Courtney
Just remember and always think of me
 

Copyright John Duffy